Checking your essay: an ageing population
You can check a Task 2 essay in the last few minutes and fix the mistakes that are quick to find.
The examiner marks only what you submit. A slip you could have caught counts like any other mistake.
So the last few minutes of Task 2 need a plan of their own. You'll use a checklist built on the four criteria, on an essay about an ageing population.
Warm-up
Is or are?
A sentence from the first paragraph of an essay. Choose the verb.
The number of older people ______ rising in most countries.
How it works
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
In many countries, the proportion of older people in the population is increasing. Some people think this will be a burden on younger generations, while others believe older people have a great deal to offer society.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
Where the check fits
- 5 min: Plan
- 31 min: Write
- 4 min: Check
Stop writing by minute 36
Total: 40 min
Two band 7 lines in the public descriptors show why the check matters. For grammar, error-free sentences are frequent. For vocabulary, there are only a few errors in spelling and/or word formation.
The four-minute check
- 1Task Response: position and length
Read the last sentence of your introduction and the first of your conclusion. They should give the same view, and every part of the question should be answered: here, both views and yours. Then make sure you have at least 250 words.
- 2Coherence and Cohesion: links
Each body paragraph should open with its point. Then check every this, these and such: each should point to one clear idea.
- 3Lexical Resource: spelling and word forms
Check the words you used most, usually the topic words, such as government and population. Then check forms: economy or economic, age or ageing.
- 4Grammatical Range and Accuracy: verbs and endings
Check each verb against its subject, the plural after many and several, and any two sentences joined by only a comma.
However, this view treat older people only as a cost. Many grandparent look after their grandchildren while the parents work, this saves families money and allows more people to stay in their jobs. Retired people also give many hours to charities, hospitals and comunity groups. This rarely appears in official figures, but many families and local services would struggle without it.
It has five slips in it. Read it once, then watch me check it.
Watch me do one
Four minutes left, so I go through the checklist in order. Task Response first: my introduction and conclusion give the same view, and I have well over 250 words.
Coherence and Cohesion next. The paragraph opens with its point. Its last sentence starts with This, after two kinds of help, childcare and volunteering. A noun that covers both makes the link clear: This unpaid work.
Lexical Resource: spelling, topic words first. Comunity needs a double m: community.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: verbs against subjects. This view treat needs an s: treats. After many, the noun is plural: grandparents.
...while the parents work, this saves families money is two sentences joined by a comma. The second points back to the whole first idea, so it becomes which saves.
Five fixes, all small, and each one takes seconds on screen. The ideas and their order stay exactly as they were.
A model answer
In many countries, the proportion of older people in the population is increasing. Some people think this will be a burden on younger generations, while others believe older people have a great deal to offer society. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In most countries, people are living longer, and the share of the population aged over 65 is growing. Some argue that an ageing population will be a heavy burden on younger generations, while others point out how much older people contribute. In my view, their contribution is often overlooked, although the costs are real and need to be planned for. Those who see older people as a burden usually point to pensions and healthcare. In many countries, pensions are paid for by taxes on people who are still working, so as the number of retired people rises, each worker has to support more of them. Older people also need more medical care, and where healthcare is public, such costs fall on taxpayers too. If nothing changes, younger workers could face higher taxes or poorer public services. It is easy to understand why many young people find this worrying. However, this view treats older people only as a cost. Many grandparents look after their grandchildren while the parents work, which saves families money and allows more people to stay in their jobs. Retired people also give many hours to charities, hospitals and community groups. This unpaid work rarely appears in official figures, but many families and local services would struggle without it. In my opinion, older people give more than is often recognised, and whether their numbers become a burden depends on the plans governments make now. Raising the retirement age gradually, and making it easier for older people to work part-time, would reduce the pressure on pensions. These changes would also let employers keep experienced staff for longer, and allow people who want to keep working to do so. With such plans in place, longer lives can benefit every generation.
- TaskThe position. The check starts here, because the conclusion must give the same view.
- CoherenceSuch costs points back to the cost of that medical care without repeating it. Too links it to the pensions in the sentence before.
- GrammarThe draft said treat. Checking each verb against its subject caught it.
- GrammarMany needs a plural noun. The draft had grandparent.
- GrammarThe draft joined two sentences with a comma and this. Which points back to the whole clause and makes one correct sentence.
- VocabularySpelled comunity in the draft. Topic words come first in the spelling check, because you use them most.
- CoherenceThe draft had This alone, after two kinds of help. This unpaid work covers both, so the reader knows exactly what is meant.
- TaskThe same view as the introduction, in new words.
Coloured text shows what the examiner is looking for.
Your own list of mistakes makes the best checklist, and a teacher can help you start one. Kriti and Christine mark essays in class, and they can show you which mistakes you repeat.
Practice with Elita6 questions
Six questions, from single sentences up to a whole paragraph to check.
A missing plural
One sentence has a mistake with a plural. Choose it.
Which sentence contains the error?
Two sentences, one comma
One of these is really two sentences held together by a comma. Choose it.
Which sentence contains the error?
The right form
Use a form of age in gap 1 and a form of economy in gap 2.
An population puts pressure on governments, because pensions cost more every year.
Write no more than 1 word in each gap.
Two minutes left
You have two minutes before the end of the test. Choose the best use of them.
What should you do?
Same position?
The introduction ends: I believe older people give more to society than they cost. Choose the conclusion that matches it.
Which conclusion keeps the same position?
Check a paragraph
This paragraph has four mistakes of the kinds on the checklist. Rewrite it with them corrected, and change nothing else.
Older people also help there families in other ways. Many of them lend money to children who is buying a first home, this makes a big difference in expensive cities. Such help is rarely counted when goverments talk about the cost of an older population.
Set up your learning path at the top of this lesson to get band-specific feedback.
Words to keep
Something heavy or difficult that someone has to carry or pay for. Some people see an older population as a burden on younger workers.
Not noticed or valued as it should be. The work of retired volunteers is often overlooked.
Work done without a wage, such as caring or volunteering. Caring for a parent is unpaid work that rarely appears in official figures.
The age at which people usually stop work and can receive a pension. Several countries have raised the retirement age.
Slowly, a little at a time. The retirement age could rise gradually, by a few months each year.
Read a text carefully to find and correct mistakes. Leave four minutes to proofread your essay.
Before you go
Stop writing with about four minutes left, and check in the same order every time.
Start with Task Response: the same position in your introduction and conclusion, every part of the question answered, and at least 250 words.
Then look for the slips that are quick to fix: verbs against subjects, plurals, commas between sentences, topic words, and every this or these.
Correct words and endings. Leave whole paragraphs as they are.
Next: Next, General Training candidates write a semi-formal letter to a neighbour about a street party. Academic candidates go on to the test week, which starts with a plan for the last seven days before the test.